Owning the monster that is self doubt

​Over a year ago someone accused me of copying and it spurred me to write a blog post and speak out about it, something I rarely do but I have a confession...I lied. I told everyone that I had put it to rest, that all your kindness and support had helped me to realise it was just one negative person. But surprise surprise I still think about it! My self doubting, self sabotaging self carries around a mighty bag filled with all the insults and upset I've experienced and quite regularly likes to take one of those insults out and throws it in my path. 
Recently I created what has to be one of my favourite pieces and one which I got a lot of beautiful feedback for. So that should mean joy and celebration right? Well I did in a way and please don't think me ungrateful but there was a part of me looking for the negative. Maybe it's just because negativity is so familiar to me.  I have sat for the past few days now creating something I am also very excited about but all the while I am wondering if somehow it will upset someone....I know it's a needle felted creature! but you'd be surprised what people take offence to.

At 12 today I popped inside for a cup of tea, switched on IG and saw that @me_and_orla was live so I thought I'd have a nosey and to my surprise she was talking about self doubt. I sat and listened and read people's comments and immediately wanted to write this. For so many years I have hated my self doubt, I've literally screamed at it in temper and sobbed over it in the bath. But I might try something different, I might try owning it! Yes I doubt myself constantly but recognising that ghost in the shadows suddenly makes it less scary. It becomes tangible and visible, it has a face, a history and a form, much like a heavy bag but now I know what it is I can maybe start emptying that bag or leaving those insults on the path to grow into something glorious. In time it will become lighter as the tree grows and perhaps eventually I can pick the fruits from the tree and replace my now empty bag with nourishment for the soul.

I just wanted to share this for all those self doubters out there, we can do this guys! Xxx